no matter how old I get
I will always be at least slightly convinced that I’m capable of hurting a stuffed animal’s feelings
Toy Story mentally fucked a generation of kids.
My mom recently asked if she could put my teddy bear on the floor so she could sit down, and I told her that would be disrespectful
So I’m watching Orange is the New Black for the first time.
Mother fuck, I hate Vee.
Whoever decided to tag their fic with “extreme fluff” and then kill off a major character should be forbidden from ever writing fanfiction again.
Hermione tries to get Draco to watch Disney movies.
- "Muggles are too much, really. Two talking dogs fall in love? And one of them’s homeless? What the fuck is this—a biopic on Potter’s life?”
- "Granger, I highly doubt fish have emotions; do they even acknowledge they have children? Aren’t half of them cannibals or something? Make it into caviar and let’s move on. Who names their kid Nemo? Don’t look at me like that—at least Draco’s the name of a constellation.”
- "Is that what America really looks like? Why does Pocahontas have a pet raccoon?"
- "Great, now you’re making me watch a movie about some ugly hunchback who sits in a tower and basks in his bitter loneliness. If I wanted to watch Weasley’s life in live action, I would’ve headed over to his broom closet of a home and stared at him in boredom."
- "Who the fuck wears glass shoes to a dance?”
- "I feel like this isn’t the way things are run in the wild. I highly doubt lions are this well organized or governed."
- "Jafar reminds me a bit of father—they both have snake canes and love themselves."
- "So…you mean to tell me that this isn’t about a dog giving birth to 101 Dalmatians? Bloody misleading, don’t you think?!”
- "I know she’s only seven years old or what the fuck ever, but how can a child fit into a rabbit hole? And why is she so stupid?”
- "Thought it was going to be a literal book about jungles. Was displeased."
- "A movie about a crying elephant and racist birds. What the hell is wrong with Muggles?”
- "…Stop looking at me that way. The Fox and the Hound was a…just stop, Granger, alright?! Bloody hell."
- "So the deer’s family is dead? Is that the whole point of this movie?"
- "Frankly, moving in with seven goblins was a ridiculous idea to start with. Doesn’t she realize they have attitudes? Of course not, she ate an apple from a fucking stranger.”
- "Do we have to watch the movie about the mermaid? All that red hair reminds me of the Weaslette, and I’d rather not have nightmares tonight.”
- "I draw the line with talking toys. I have a headache."